10-17-09

101. Shitty instructions or manuals.
102. SQL Server.
103. The 500 pages of ads in the 700-page Vogue September issue.
104. The fact that I can't remember what movie I last saw at the theater. Oh, wait, it was Moon.
105. Feeling compelled to work on a beautiful Fall Saturday afternoon.
108. Coffee stains.
109. The fact that the nephew I actually like wants to be a Bible-barfing preacher just like his more obnoxious and less intelligent big brother.
110. That I missed the whole Rick-roll thing.
111. The fact that Angelina Jolie still has boobs and a waist after birthing 3 kids, and she can still get away with leather bustier dresses.
112. I'm going to go with the pedestrian but true statement, here, that mean people suck.
113. The fact that I get catalogs and e-mail targeted for old people. Hello: AARP, ugly Chico's shit and and early bird specials--but still no fucking grocery store discounts!
114. The new Fame . Irene Cara, I remember your name!
115. My suspicion that Michael Jackson and Liz Taylor were such big buddies because she'd let him go in her closet and play with wigs and makeup.
116. Why do people care so much about sex? Really: You have about 40 minutes of pleasure a week (for awhile) and for that, you have to deal with laundry stains as well as financial and social manipulation. Then you realize not only does he think foreplay consists of just showing you his woody, he never bothers to get you off and finally he stops wanting to get off while you wait it out.
117. Windows Vista.
118. People who go 30 mph in the middle lane of a busy road because eventually, you're going to come up on a light that's turning red and all the other suckers around you will have to use their brakes and waste a gram of gas while you're sitting pretty and 12 cents richer!
119. Talking on cell phones in cars. If God wanted you to do that while driving, he would have given your dick fingers.
120. Every "teenager" on shows like One Tree Hill, 90210, or Gossip Girl is actually a short 20-something with 5 o'clock stubble or frown lines. Oh, and guys who live in Brooklyn (naturally in lofts) and are "poor" with no social contacts get their shit published in the New Yorker while they're in 11th grade. Kind of makes you wonder what planet they'll find somebody new to sleep with after they're 40.
121. The way dogs' claws scratch stuff up but particularly glass panels in expensive doors, wood floors, and leather car interiors.
122. The fact that every dog genetically knows how to get to your closet and has supernatural knowledge of which shoes you love the most.
123. Cat afterbirth. In the floor of your closet. On the shoes you have to wear with your interview suit.
124. Bathtub rings. I am not that filthy! How is my tub a fucking sandbox?
125. Living two houses away from a rec center with little kids' soccer tournaments and screaming parents from dawn to dusk every Saturday no. matter. what.
126. What makes Plano churches think they have to chime every hour of every day? They used to do it at the half-hour mark as well. But I heard somebody got shot.